5 Areas Trauma Can Impact Marriage

I tend to believe that most couples don’t really have marriage issues, but instead have unresolved childhood issues that are manifesting as marriage issues. While equally consequential, marriage struggles are much more manageable when you understand the root cause isn’t a pretentious spouse, but an unhealed 10-year-old boy or girl. When you view it that way, you have more compassion. I’m not implying that you should endure abuse because you understand, but you have a different perspective with which you can make an informed decision. Here, I’ll discuss how trauma impacts marriage. To help you remember, I’ll break it down by the five senses.

1. Sight

Trauma impacts the way we view the world around us. Often, our worldview is shaped based on the experiences we’ve had throughout life. It’s how we decide what’s safe or unsafe. Trauma distorts our vision, and we often perceive everything as a threat which makes it hard to trust and become vulnerable in marriage.

2. Hearing

When having a conversation with your spouse, you respond based on what you hear, not what your partner actually said. There’s a difference! Trauma impairs our ability to hear clearly, leaving us hearing through filters (pain, judgment, shame, etc.). When we can’t hear properly, we surely can’t respond accurately, and the cycle continues. Both parties feel unheard.

3. Touch

Physical touch should communicate love, compassion, and affection. However, when you’ve experienced trauma, touch often feels like abuse, pain, and disgust. The truth is our bodies remember trauma even if we’ve mentally forgotten. A simple touch on the shoulder could feel like a threat, or an intimate touch might cause you to withdraw or attempt to avoid physical intimacy if there’s unhealed trauma.

4. Taste

Believe it or not, certain tastes can be triggers if there’s unresolved trauma. Something as simple as breakfast, or certain dishes, can awaken certain memories that cause you to respond in an unusual way. If you’re unaware of these triggers, it might cause unnecessary arguments and tension due to misplaced anger.

5. Smell

Similar to taste, smells can cause you to be triggered. Cologne, perfume, and even air freshener can all be triggers. Simply smelling a certain fragrance can mentally place you back in the setting of the offense leaving you vulnerable, afraid, or angry all over again. Left unresolved, these triggers can lead to altercations that could be avoided if you had an awareness and a coping strategy for those moments.

While not an exhaustive list, these are the most common areas trauma often manifests in marriages. Trauma is subjective and if left untreated, it can wreak havoc on marriages. If any of these resonate with you, let me know in the comments below.

I’d love to help you heal!

-Courtney