Do People Really Change When They Get Married?
It’s likely that you’ve heard people change when they get married. While that might be true for some, I don’t think this is the case 100% of the time. In fact, I don’t believe people change, but perspectives and expectations do! Maybe you expected your wife to become more ambitious when you got married, or maybe you thought, surely, he wouldn’t continue to treat you that way once you became his wife.
There are often unspoken expectations about how and what things will change as a result of getting married that are never communicated with your spouse. When he/she fails to meet that unspoken expectation, you’re disappointed and start to believe they don’t care.
If we’re honest, we can admit that the behavior we say appeared suddenly after marriage is the same behavior we tolerated before marriage. Chances are, it’s just magnified now because it’s happening more frequently.
The good news is it’s never too late to communicate expectations! I’ll leave you with some questions to reflect on and a few practical steps to take next.
Questions for honest reflection:
1. Expectations?
Did my spouse change or has this been an issue for quite some time and I just expected this to change when we got married?
“…it’s never too late to communicate expectations.”
— COURTNEY LOYD
2. Negligence?
Is my spouse really neglectful, or am I expecting him/her to do something that I’ve never really asked for?
Action Steps:
Have a conversation with your spouse about what things you would like to see change.
Be honest about how ____ (fill in the blank) makes you feel.
Use “I” statements when communicating your needs to avoid communicating blame.
Well, that’s all for now. Share your thoughts below.
- Courtney